Get An Afterlife!
by Moonfire
Summary: My movie Casper sequel. A woman astral projects to Whipstaff and the Trio mistakes her for a real ghost. Only Casper knows the truth.
1. If It Looks Like a Ghost

CASPER 2: GET AN AFTERLIFE!  
  
Chapter 1: If It Looks Like a Ghost...  
  
The room was dark. Kelli squinted, trying to force her eyes to adjust faster. Get Lost Luke, her crazy blonde fairy guide, was supposed to meet her here before they went to a party. She strained her ears but heard nothing. Maybe he was hiding behind something, waiting to ambush and scare the crap out of her. That was one of his favorite games. The more her eyes focused, the more she realized she was NOT where she was supposed to be. She flew around in crazy circles, then came to a halt in midair, clapping her hand to her forehead. "Where the hell AM I?" she wailed to no one in particular. She could finally make out three strange looking beds with even stranger looking names: Fatso, Stinkie and Stretch. Had she traveled back in time to the Italian mobster days? Was this one of their hideouts? She hoped to heck it wasn't, or she'd have to split through the nearest wall faster than you can say "86".   
  
There was a tall, plain rocking chair over by the window that gave her the creeps. It was outlined in the ambient light that spilled through the equally as tall dusty window and moved slightly in the breeze that came in gentle puffs through a break in the glass. Whoever lived here needed to clean up...preferably with a wrecking ball. Either that or it had been abandoned for a LONG time. She looked over at Stinkie's bed and wondered why there was a big oven-like vent over it. Was it some kind of personal tanning bed? Or did this person work in a cow yard on a regular basis? Maybe they had irritable bowel syndrome. She could almost see the rancid gas wafting up from the bedsheets and winced. The other two's beds were also custom made to fit their names. She went over to the window to get her bearings and looked out. She saw a sweepig expanse of hills sloping down to an ocean sparkling in the moonlight.   
  
"Where am I?" she asked the night, more quietly this time.   
  
* * *  
  
Casper was behind on his chores.  
  
It was all his own fault, he knew; he'd recklessly spent the whole day   
  
haunting the Frogger machine at Tory's Arcade in the Plaza (nobody ever   
  
played Frogger, so they never noticed anything was odd). Sure, he'd   
  
broken his old score, but now he was in trouble.  
  
The Trio could be home any minute – although conceivably they might not   
  
be home for days. Casper wasn't taking any chances. Casting a quick   
  
glance out a window at the setting sun, he zipped about the manor,   
  
strewing dust and stretching cobwebs. The Trio liked their home very   
  
desolate.  
  
When the downstairs was in proper disorder he floated up to the second   
  
landing and directly into his Uncles' bedroom – where he froze in shock.  
  
"Oh – I'm sorry!" he stammered, backing up in surprise. There was a   
  
beautiful lady ghost in the room, which was odd enough in itself but   
  
made moreso by the fact that she was unnaccompanied. "Are you, er..."   
  
Casper didn't know what to say. "Are you...waiting for someone?" Maybe   
  
it was some sort of blind date. She was definitely too pretty for it to   
  
be a prank!  
  
At first, Kelli was so startled by the small ghost's voice and appearence that she shot up into the air and bounced off the walls, literally. She landed on Stretch's bed and sat up, rubbing her sore head. "Who are you? Do you live here all by yourself?" He was a ghost, that was obvious...but the most mild mannered, polite one she'd ever met. She thought of the big dark house and felt sorry for him. She also had a feeling he wouldn't be able to help her get where she wanted to go. At least she remembered the way back home, if not the party.   
  
"My name's Casper." The small ghost was gazing at Adara intently, if not   
  
shyly. "And no," he shook his head with a smile. "Do you think all these   
  
beds are mine? I just came up here to make them. They belong to my three   
  
uncles." He paused. "I gotta finish my chores before they get home. But   
  
what are you doing here?"  
  
"Three uncles and they make YOU do all the work?" Kelli raised an eyebrow. "That dosen't sound right. If I was doing this place, it would get a MAJOR makeover. It's a cool house...it's got potential. Love the design..." She was floating around at this point, inspecting the structure. Maybe next time I'll check out the rest of it." She paused in front of Casper with a guilty look. "OH! I didn't answer your question, did I? I'm on my way to a party with some friends, and I got lost." She said, deciding not to tell him the nature of those friends...or her true state of being...just yet. He looked like a nice kid...but she wasn't so sure about his uncles.   
  
Casper put his hands politely behind his back. "How lost?" he wanted to know. "It's only..." He paused. "Well, I think you must be pretty lost," he confessed at length. "See, my uncles are kinda...territorial. They don.t let any other ghosts haunt anywhere in town. That's why I don.t have any . " He stopped midsentance, then resumed quickly, "So I don.t think your party could be anywhere near here. You must have gotten pretty mixed up."  
  
Kelli smiled and said, "Ok, you got me. I'm a ghost...of sorts. I'm trying to join my friends in the fairy realm because we're having a party. But I gotta get there before I wake up. Long story. And I don't wanna be around when your uncles get here either, from the sound of it.   
  
"In the fairy realm??" Casper wasn't expecting /that/. "Well, you're   
  
definitely lost, then. I certainly don't know of any way to get to the   
  
fairy realm from here. In fact – "  
  
He was interrupted rather rudely at that moment by a howling from   
  
downstairs that shook the whole house. Dust filled the air. A shrill but   
  
booming voice sounded out: "CaaaasPER!! Where are ya, ya little   
  
washrag?? Come down here NOW!!"  
  
"Uh oh!" Casper looked around. "You'll have to get out of here! Quick,   
  
before it's too late!"  
  
Adara gasped at the unexpected company, and her first instinct was to listen to Casper and bolt for the nearest window...she'd worry about finding her friend and her way later. But then...she didn't like the bossy sound of this guy's voice. It sounded like he pushed Casper around like this all the time. Well, if he wasn't gonna defend himself, SHE would.   
  
"Whoever this guy is, I'm not gonna let him treat you like that." She drew herself up to her full height and braced for a conflict.   
  
When Adara didn't leave, Casper found himself hovering in the center of   
  
the room, at a loss for anything else to do. "Uh," was all he was really   
  
able to contribute.  
  
A very wide ghost suddenly poked his head into the room via the floor.   
  
Casting about quickly, he spotted Casper. "There you are," he remarked   
  
in a deep bass. "Kid, you'd better – " Then he noticed the other   
  
occupant of the room. He blinked several times. "Whozzat?" he blurted at   
  
last.  
  
Kelli startled, then repressed the urge to laugh. She also had the urge to ask this crazy charachter if his name was Marshmallow Man. She hovered in front of Casper and said, "Dosen't anybody ever knock around here? Who are YOU?"  
  
The big ghost, still halfway through the floor, shrugged. "I didn't hear   
  
/you/ knockin' before you started pokin' around in /my/ bedroom," he   
  
pointed out. He jabbed a thick forefinger towards the rooms' middle bed.   
  
"There's my nametag," he said. "Who're you, the Amway Lady? I knew we   
  
shoulda put up some'a them No Soliciting signs – "  
  
At that moment he was yanked back down through the floor and replaced by   
  
another ghost, this one with a large nose and prominent overbite. "Who   
  
you yakkin' at in here, Fats – " A double-take. "Woah!" exclaimed the   
  
new ghost. "Casper! Who's your date?"  
  
Kelli's eyes narrowed at Fatso's 'Amway Lady' reference, and she was in the middle of blurting out "and who are YOU, the Stay-Puf'd Marshmallow Man?" when the new ghost's appearence stopped her sentence in its tracks. She smirked and said, "I think this kid's a little young for me, pal. I'm not into jailbait."  
  
The bucktoothed ghost grinned and floated up into the room. "Suit   
  
yourself," he remarked, circling Kelli. Reaching Casper, he seized the   
  
small ghost by the arm. "Stretch wants to see ya downstairs," he said.   
  
Swiftly rolling Casper up into a ball, he pitched the boy out the door,   
  
where he could be seen bouncing down the stairs.  
  
"So," he breathed on Kelli, invading her personal space shamelessly (and   
  
incidentally giving away his name), "you sellin' encyclodepias   
  
door-to-door or what?" He eyed her appreciatively.  
  
She made a face and leaned away. "If I WERE a salesperson, I'd be selling breath mints." she half joked. "I don't have to guess what YOUR name is." She threw her head back to Stinkie's bed and rolled her eyes. "Jeez, I've REALLY made a wrong turn tonight...I'm having a nightmare...a horrible nightmare. Somebody PLEASE wake me up..."  
  
Fatso reappeared in the room in time to hear Stinkie say leeringly "Want   
  
me to pinch you?" The big ghost rocketed over and punched Stinkie into   
  
the nearest wall. "I apologize for my brother," Fatso said, turning to   
  
Kelli. "He's special." Stinkie peeled off the wall and lay twitching on   
  
the floor. "I'm all right..." he said weakly to no one in particular.  
  
A voice – the same one that had yelled for Casper earlier – could be   
  
heard getting nearer. "You'd better not be lyin' about this chick,   
  
S'more-Fodder," it was grumbling. The voice's owner arrived in the   
  
doorway, a very tall, thin ghost with violet eyes. He was gripping   
  
Casper by the back of the neck, and looked highly irritated. But when he   
  
saw Kelli, his expression changed. "Well whaddya know," he murmered to   
  
himself. "The kid's on the level." He released Casper and floated   
  
forward, looking at Kelli closely. "You must be lost," he said   
  
dramatically, pointing to the ceiling. "Heaven's up thattaway." He gave   
  
her a sly wink.  
  
She didn't know whether to be disgusted, flattered, or just plain amused. Her mouth twitched with the effort of containing a laugh or a sneer, she didn't know which.   
  
"You must be the infamous Stretch." she finally managed, her mouth turning up into another smirk. "And you're never gonna get to Heaven unless you let the kid go." ::Hm:: she thought to herself. ::Let's see what he makes of THAT:: She had to admit he was the best looking and smartest of the three...as good as ectoplasm could look, anyway. "Sorry I crashed your party. I was trying to get to my own. And I"m long overdue." She turned to go through the ceiling. "See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya."  
  
But in a flash of white, Stretch was in front of her. "What's your   
  
hurry, Beautiful?" he wanted to know, putting his hands behind his back   
  
giving her another good, long look. In an instant, he was flanked by   
  
Fatso and Stinkie. "Yeah," chimed in Fatso, "you never told us why you   
  
stopped by in the first place." Casper, meanwhile, was sneaking towards   
  
the door. The Trio ignored him.  
  
"You guys don't get out much, do you?" Kelli said in annoyance, trying to get out of the corner they'd painted her in. She caught Casper's exit out of her periphial vision and hid a smile. "And I didn't 'stop by'. I made a wrong turn...for the worst, from the looks of it." She scowled at Stretch. "If you don't move, I'm gonna tie you into a pretzel!"  
  
At this, Stretch looked amused. He cast brief glances over his shoulders, signalling Fatso and Stinkie to back off. "Have it your way, Dollface," he said cavalierly, floating off to one side and gesturing grandly to the ceiling. "Perhaps next time you drop by unannounced you could at least bring a bottle of wine."  
  
"Bring some cheese, too," added Stinkie brightly.  
  
"Ooh, ooh, and some of those little finger-sandwiches," nodded Fatso.  
  
Stretch scowled and whomped them both on the head.  
  
Now, she actually laughed out loud, throwing her head back. "Oh WHY didn't I think to bring a bottle? It would have been good for breaking it over your HEADS! In your DREAMS, Plastic Ma--!"   
  
But she never got to finish her sentence. As if an alarm had gone off, Kelli disappeared into thin air.   
  
She awoke in her own bed, in Friendship Maine, slowly as if she was under anasthesia. ::I'm gonna kill my guide next time I see him:: was the first thought on her mind. He'd probably gotten distracted by some girl fairy and forgot all about meeting her. She wished she was in a permanent spiritual state so she could go there in the daytime, too. But it was an ethereal realm so you had to be in your spirit form to go. Next time she met him she'd half jokingly ask him to change her into a fairy herself. She was going to HAVE to learn the way over there on her own. That was another request she was going to make, that he show her directions if she got lost again. Memories of where she'd just been flooded her groggy mind. If only it HAD been a dream, Kelli bemoaned. She'd ended up in strange places before with strange people, but never met anybody THAT crazy. They were certafiable. But that ghost kid had been a sweetheart. Still..all things considered, the uncles had been funnier than hell and very....interesting. She had a morbid curiosity to find out more about them and the kid. Most of all, why they were there. Despite the shock of last night, she wanted to return...if only to teach them some manners about how to treat a lady. Then something dawned on her. She knew that house. She'd been so disoriented looking at it from the inside in the dark that she hadn't realized where she'd been. But the turret like walls, and the rolling expanse of marsh leading to the sea...hot damn, it was Whipstaff Manor! Right across town! NOW what? What if she ran into the ghosts in THIS state and they realized she wasn't a ghost? She had to run errands in town today. Then she realized they probably didn't leave the house in the daytime and felt stupid.   
  
Just as she was putting on her shoes, Luke materialized from nowhere and scared the crap out of her, knocking her onto her bed. He laughed uproariously, his wild, sticking up blonde hair flopping back and forth madly. "Scared ya, didn't I?" he said triumphantly, giving her a playful punch, which Kelli dodged. "Piss yourself?"  
  
"You wish." she scowled. "Where the hell WERE you last night? I spent the night at a haunted house fighting off overly-amorous ghosts while you partied up with your winged weenie friends."  
  
Luke pretended to smooth his hair and said defiantly, "You mean my distinguished collegues. And I DID go looking for you, but you'd already wandered off so that wasn't MY fault." He pouted like a little kid. Kelli rolled her eyes, but smiled.   
  
"Ok, we make a deal. From now on, stick by me until I go to sleep, then we won't be two ships that pass in the night."  
  
"Oh great, now that means I'll have to watch you twitch and mumble like a lunatic till then." Luke joked. Kelli kicked him in the butt. "OW! Well, same to YOU, dogface." With a teasing, but equally as hearty kick, he disappeared. She shook her head. That was as loving as Luke had ever been, but they were still best friends. She only hoped he would make a convenient appearence next time she went back to that mansion.   
  
She got dressed, ate breakfast, and went to the store for some much-needed food.   
  
"God, Dad, I hope nobody from school sees me here…" Kat scowled as she   
  
helped Dr. Harvey push the flatlined station wagon into the Safeway   
  
parking lot.  
  
"Cheer up, kitten," murmered her father, putting his back into it. "If   
  
you see any of your friends, you can call them over to help."  
  
"Well. I guess we can use all the help we can get."  
  
"/I'm/ helping!" blurted a voice from an empty space to Kat's left.  
  
"Thank you, Casper," replied Dr. Harvey graciously. "We can always count   
  
on you to be helpful."  
  
"Hello, Mr. Psychiatrist?" hissed Kat. "You want to /not/ be seen   
  
talking to invisible people in public?"  
  
With a final lurch, the car was brought to rest in a handicapped spot   
  
("Poor old girl qualifies for a plaquard by now," was Dr. Harvey's   
  
comment). "I'm going to phone a mechanic," stated the doctor, heading   
  
for the payphones.  
  
"I'll be inside, okay Dad?" Kat entered the Safeway and wandered over to   
  
the magazine rack. Casper followed her, but remained wisely invisible.  
  
The store wasn't crowded, for which Kelli was more than thankful. She had a splitting headache, and the faster she could get to the Advil, the better. She was also starving. She was so intent on her mission that she was walking with her head down and didn't see the teenage girl walking toward her. She bumped right into her. After a quick recovery, she said clumsily, "I'm sorry! I didn't see you!"  
  
And here Kat did something she shouldn't have. "Casper!" she blurted,   
  
turning quickly towards Kelli, her hair sweeping into her eyes. "Watch   
  
where you're floating – " And then she saw that she had actually been   
  
bumped into by a flesh-and-blood human being. "Oh!" she exclaimed,   
  
reddening. "I'm sorry. I – I thought you were my...little brother," she   
  
recovered quickly. "He's always poking me and...stuff." She glanced   
  
around herself nervously as if she expected Casper to appear and cry   
  
out, "Hey!" but of course, he didn't.  
  
As soon as Kelli heard "Casper" she knew who was with the girl. For one thing, little brothers didn't float. "It's ok." she explained with a knowing smile. "I'm used to things that go bump in the night." With that, she turned and walked off toward the produce aisle.  
  
Kat didn't get it. She watched her walk away, then turned back to the   
  
magazines in disgust, rolling her eyes in a 'Okay, /she's/ crazy' sort   
  
of expression.  
  
But Casper got it. He nudged the teen. "Kat!" she hissed. "I /know/ that   
  
lady! I met her last night! Only…she wasn't a ghost then." He took off   
  
after Kelli so quickly that he missed Kat's incredulous exclaimation.  
  
"Psst!" said a pyramid of oranges when Kelli happened to pause beside   
  
it, "are you the lady who was at my house last night?"  
  
At first, she startled and jumped at the unexpected voice, then looked around until she saw the eyes peeking out from the oranges. Looking around nervously and thankful nobody was around, she then giggled when she recognized Casper. "Hey, cutie! Whatchya doing here? Shopping for furniture polish?" she teased. "Yeah, cuff me and take me in. I'm one and the same. Just more solid in my daytime form. Who's that girl you're with? I think she thinks I'm insane. Then again, most teenagers think EVERYBODY's insane over 30...it's good to see you again. I thought ghosts only went out at night though."  
  
"Not me," returned Casper, staying in the pyramid of citrus. "I mean, I   
  
used to, most of the time, until Kat and her dad came to live at my   
  
house and now I go out with her because she mostly goes out in the   
  
daytime, because /she's/ not a ghost, you know – " He interrupted his   
  
babbling to point a barely-visible arm back in the direction of the   
  
magazine rack. "That's Kat over there," he added, rather unnecessarily.   
  
"And since her dad's a psychiatrist I'm sure she's better versed at   
  
spotting an insane person than most. She's just, like you said, a   
  
teenager. It's good to see you again too, but kinda weird. I really   
  
thought you were a ghost. And so did my uncles. What's your name?"  
  
"She...she LIVES there?" Kelli glanced nervously at the still-perusing Kat. "I'd better be careful not to let her see me in my astral form then. Besides, I don't think she'd be too thrilled with me making an unnanounced appearence in the house with her in it. I'm suprized we didn't wake her and her dad up with all that racket. And my name's Kelli. Funny, my parents were going to name me Kathleen when I was born but then they changed their minds. But I think I'd better explain how this whole ghost-but-not-a-ghost thing works. See, I have psychic abilities, and I can send my astral body out at will. I'm like a ghost only with an invisible leash attached to my body. My energy self gets pulled back when my body's ready to wake up. Of course, I can dream without leaving my body, but I've learned how to go higher than the dream state and actually become conscious. I found one of my best friends that way who I hadn't seen in years. So how come you're a kid ghost and you've been in that house for so long? I thought kids immediately went to Heaven when they died."  
  
"Could you meet me at my house tonight?" Casper said quickly. "I could talk to you more then. Ghosts don't need as much sleep as the   
  
living, and I get awful lonely at night while Kat's asleep..." His blue   
  
eyes looked towards the magazine rack, where Kat was now nowhere to be   
  
seen. "Uh oh. I gotta go!" And he's gone.  
  
::Poor kid:: thought Kelli throwing some potatoes into her shopping cart. Maybe she should put on the big seduction scene for the Boyz, tease the hell out of them then disappear. She pictured herself appearing in a doorway like Kim Basinger with her hair blowing in slow motion in My Stepmother is an Alien. But nah...that would be too easy. Better to play the hard to get femme fatale. And of course, she never knew when Luke was gonna show up. He always appeared unexpectedly though, and it was no good calling him, because he came on his own terms or none at all. Then she thought of it...a duel with the Trio...in Poker! That is, if they played it. She'd have to ask. Whoever won went on a date with her. Kelli laughed to herself. It was perfect. She'd go hang with the fairies some other night. She finished her shopping and went home to prepare.   
  
* * *  
  
"Did you see what happened back there?" Kat said to her father as they got into the car. "She'd be perfect for you dad. She's a total basket case." The station wagon rolled unevenly along on its spare doughnut tire as they slowly left the parking lot. James smirked. He was used to his daughter's unceasing sarcasm.   
  
"Now Bucket, I'm sure she was just suffering from some kind of post traumatic stress syndrome." he said in his ever-calm voice. Anybody else saying the same thing would have been accused of being a smart ass.   
  
Kat rolled her eyes. "Dad, I think she saw Casper."   
  
Dr. Harvey was curious. "What makes you say that?"  
  
"Because she said something about things that go bump in the night...right after I blurted out his name." She leaned on the open window frame and turned away in embarassment. James chuckled.   
  
"Don't worry about it Kat." he assured her, patting her knee and having to jerk the wheel to avoid an irritated motorist he'd been getting too close to. "It's probably just a coincidence."  
  
Kat didn't comment further and continued staring at the window. She wasn't convinced. 


	2. She's Got the Jack

She's Got the Jack  
  
Adara swooshed outside Casper's room at the appointed time, having waited till the wee hours of the morning when both the other humans - and hopefully the older ghosts - were asleep, or better yet, out of the house.   
  
She found him, floating above his bed with a book in his hands. Not wanting to scare him, she tapped on the window and called his name. His eyes got big and he leaped up, flinging the book in the air. It fell to the bed.   
  
"Hey, Kel!" he blurted out enthusiastically, glad to see her. "I was hoping you'd show up! My uncles have been talking about you all day." He rolled his eyes. Kelli was more than curious. Unconsciously folding her arms, she said,   
  
"What have they been saying?"  
  
He blushed. "You don't wanna know."  
  
Kelli smirked, but blushed herself. "I get the idea." She swept up to the toy train track and sat down. "Are they here now? Or are they out?"  
  
Casper sat beside her on his train. "Don't worry, you're safe for now." he smiled. He had the most charming little smile. She'd love to see this kid grown up. "Ok, here's what I wanted to tell you in the store earlier but couldn't..." He proceeded to describe the sledding night where he'd gotten frostbite and hypothermia, much like he'd told Kat a few months ago. She couldn't help but feel sorry for him. "When Kat and Dr. Harvey came to live here, it changed my afterlife." He chuckled. "This is my old room, and Kat fixed it up. You wouldn't have even recognized it before...even I didn't recognize it until I went up to the attic and found my old sled. Then everything came back to me." He gazed out the window at the ocean. Kelli smiled and said,   
  
"You know, maybe I could fix up your Uncles' room."  
  
Casper laughed out loud. He actually did summersaults in midair. "They'd be in therapy with Dr. Harvey for the rest of their afterlife if you did that!" He laughed some more.   
  
"I take it they like things dirty and disorderly?" Kelli confirmed, understanding sinking in.   
  
Casper nodded. "The cleanest thing in their room is the vent over Stinkie's bed." He added in a dramatic whisper, "The locals say that his old socks still get up and walk through the town." He finished with a snicker. Kelli laughed too.   
  
"The Sentient Socks from Hell, coming soon to a theatre near you." she said in an imitation announcer's voice. Casper lost it with a fresh round of giggles. He was laughing so hard he was hiccuping. They were on a roll now.   
  
"Round up the artilery!" Casper shouted in his best stage voice, pantomiming an invisible air gun. "POW!POW!"   
  
When Kelli caught her breath, she thought of something. "How did they die, anyway? They don't look that old, but what can I tell from looking at ectoplasm?"  
  
Casper got serious and said in a quiet voice, "I'll tell you but you have to promise me you'll never tell them." He sighed, looking into space. "I was actually a ghost before they were. They lived here for a long time after Dad died. It took 'em a while to get used to me being a ghost, if you can believe that. But then New Year's Eve came, and they went out to have some fun." He dropped his head and swung his feet nervously. "They got drunk and drove the car over the cliff, same place Crittendon did. You know the rest of the story." He turned to look at her.   
  
"They look like the types who would be more likely to die in a bar fight, not a car wreck." Kelli shook her head. "But it dosen't really suprize me. They're wild boys, and they're not gonna change even after death. Still, I kinda like them. They've got some redeeming qualities."  
  
Casper snorted. "Name one."  
  
"They've got a good sense of humor." she offered. Casper rolled his eyes.   
  
"Hang around here long enough, and you'll lose yours." he said. "But they're still family. Gotta give them credit for that I guess." He shrugged. Then Kelli remembered her idea.   
  
"Oh! I wanted to tell you about my little plan." There was sudden exitement in her voice. Casper perked up.   
  
"What is it?"  
  
"I'm gonna try to beat them in a game of poker." Casper giggled.   
  
"Good luck. That's their specialty, and my uncle Stretch is the best player there is. What are you playing for?"  
  
This kid was nosy, but in a loveable way. "If one of them wins, he gets to go out on a date with me." She rolled her eyes. "But if I win, I get to avoid going out with all of them. Then again, it would be interesting to see what they'd be like one-on-one..." she trailed off, then shook her head. "No, no, that's too scary. I might need a session with the doctor myself if I lose this game."  
  
"That's all they've been doing all day is arguing about that." Casper said with annoyance. "They haven't been like this since Miss Banshee was around. She was my old ghost teacher. Weird, I know. She ended up with some bachelor across town. But I think they like you even more." He did his best impression of his eldest uncle. "Stretch said, 'She's like a deck of cards and she has a nice pair'...what's that supposed to mean anyway?"  
  
Kelli blushed. "You're too young to know."   
  
There was an awkward pause. "So when's this card game gonna start anyway?" he asked.   
  
"As soon as the Three Stooges fly through the window."   
  
Kelli had fallen asleep sitting on the windowsill as Casper lay snoozing on his own bed. She didn't know what time it was when she was rudely awakened by a series of chaotic noises as the uncles made their return to the house somewhere down below. Before Casper could wake up and say a word, she flew out of the room to confront them. This was it. Showtime.   
  
She snuck up behind them across the room and stood in a doorway, waiting for them to turn around and notice her. Stinkie was the first to do so, his keen nose catching her scent.   
  
"You smell somethin'?" Stretch said, taking his cue. Stinkie waggled his eyebrows, what there were of them anyway, and snickered knowingly.   
  
"I usually don't go for the good smells, but somebody's just planted a rose garden in here." The smiles spread to the other two faces and they inhaled dramatically before letting their breaths out in a unanimous "Yeeeaaaahhhhhh!"  
  
This was going to be easier than she thought. Kelli mused as she watched their predictable but no less humourous (and dare she say...flattering?) reaction. "Hello boys." she teased in her best seductive voice, lowering it a tone. "Miss me?"  
  
They caught sight of her and immediately surrounded her like vultures, grinning like lunatics. She pushed them away on both sides. "I have a little proposition for you, and no, not what you're thinking." She paused to smirk at them, keeping her distance. Before one of them could make any kind of sick or smart ass comment, she continued, "I think we can make bootiful music together, if we play our cards right."  
  
Stretch raised one eyebrow, still trying to invade her personal space. He put one hand on the wall on the side of her head and said, "Are you sayin' what I think you're sayin' Dollface? You wanna play POKER wit' us?" The other two cracked up and Stretch chuckled. "No, no, this could be interesting." He turned back to wink at them. "To the game room for a round of 7 Card Stud...lead on, Sweetcheeks." He gave her a hearty smack on the bottom, and she soundly kicked his, narrowing her eyes.   
  
"Touch that again and I'll have all three of you in an ectoplasmic marshmallow roast...no, more like flambe'."  
  
"Such a tease!" Stretch said enthusiastically. Adara rolled her eyes. She just couldn't win. The uncles set up the table in a mini-tornado of shuffling cards. Stretch lit up a suddenly appearing cigar and blew a heart-shaped smoke ring over her head before he dealt them.   
  
Kelli looked on in confusion. "Where's the pot?" she asked.   
  
"Hey!" Stinkie said with mock horror. "We might smoke like chimneys, but we don't do no funny green stuff."  
  
Kelli bit back a laugh. "No! I meant the stakes! The bank...the chips, whatever."  
  
In answer, Stinkie threw down a pile of smelly cheese. Fatso threw down a box of half-eaten doughnuts. Stretch threw down what remained of his winnings(or stealings, depending on who you ask) at his last horse race, a whopping $20.   
  
"There it is, sister." Stretch said, leaning forward to emphasize his point. "I think I'll go first." Adara hid a secret smile, knowing she was going to play slow and use all the bluffs she could. She was determined to beat these guys at their own game. "CASPER! Fetch us a rounda' cold ones!" he shouted in the direction of the kitchen, where he'd seen Casper scooting in for a midnight snack.   
  
"Why can't you get your own?" Kelli challenged, sick of the way they ordered the younger ghost around.   
  
"Why don't you butt out, or your first round will be your last?" Stretch leaned across the table and got in her face. She only narrowed her eyes. Oh, she'd get him!  
  
Suddenly, out of nowhere, the AC/DC song "She's Got the Jack" started up and she had to stifle a giggle. She knew it was Luke providing atmosphere. He was in a mischievious mood tonight, then again, he always was. But he'd found Whipstaff, and he was going to pull every trick in the book to make it a memorable night. Kelli tensed despite her amusement, wondering what he would do next. The Trio just stared.   
  
"Is this one of your little tricks?" Stretch challenged Kelli, thinking it was her doing. "Cuz this is damn good!" They all started swaying to the music before Stretch started dealing the three cards to each of them. "And just to make sure I don't make it too EASY for ya, I'm gonna throw in a Wild Card..." He shuffled the deck dramatically, eyes on Kelli the whole time, then snapped out a Joker. "This, my friends, is officially designated the King."   
  
Now all four of them had three cards: two face up and one down. Stretch started narrating again. "Now, I usually open the door for the ladies, but this time it's your turn sleekbuns." he said to Kelli, referring to her face up card. "Bet's on you."  
  
"Anything you say, cupcake." she hissed, throwing $2 on the table. "I bet two dollars."  
  
Stretch chuckled. "I raise ten dollars." he said with a flourish, throwing the money onto the pile. Stinky started eating the cheese, then belched soundly. Kelli rolled her eyes. Fatso chuckled and matched his burp with a resounding fart that got them all to giggling, even Kelli. By this time, Casper had appeared with the requested beers, and the Trio clashed the bottles together. "To doughnuts!" said Fatso.   
  
"To garbage heaps on a hot summer's day!" shouted Stinkie  
  
"To kicking fleshie ass!" finished Stretch, taking a big guzzle from his bottle. "Here sweetcheeks, ya want some?" he offered the bottle to Kelli, who was looking at them like they were crazy, not for the first time. Three big puddles were oozing out all over the floor. She didn't have to guess who would have to clean it up later.   
  
"No thanks." she said wincing. "I don't want to lose my edge."  
  
"Suit yourself." Stretch shrugged. "I'm strolling on over to Fourth Street now."   
  
He dealt them all another face up card. "I'm the King!" Stinkie announced, referring to his open King card. He morphed a cheap crown atop his head and posed for a second. "I'll pass." he finished, passing another explosion of gas to emphasize his point.   
  
"The king of farts, you mean." Kelli murmured while Stinkie laughed evily.   
  
"Yeah, stop doin' that or you're gonna melt the cards!" Stretch half jokingly admonished, whomping him on the head. Stinkie conjured up miniture stars and planets that circled his head while crossing his eyes. Stretch rolled his eyes at him, then looked over at Fatso, who looked deceptively innocent. "It's on you, Fats. "Bet or pass?"  
  
"Bet...oh, that reminds me of but, which reminds me of butter..."  
  
Stretch took his now empty beer bottle and hit him over the head.   
  
"OWWW!" yelled Fatso. "Ok, I bet $20."  
  
"That's better. Welcome to the River." Stretch said meaningfully. "The River Styx, in SOME cases..." he narrowed his eyes at Kelli, who stuck her tongue out. "Hey, don't do that unless you're serious, ya little minx." He finished with a teasing growl, which she chose to ignore. "Ok boys, it's showtime. Read em and weep." Stretch flipped his holed Wild Card, which had been dubbed the King, up for all of them to see. Kelli resisted the urge to roll her eyes. She had an Ace, so unless one of the other two had one, she had this game. Stinkie sighed, and flipped over a pathetic ten of spades. Then he promptly morphed into a shovel and mimicked digging his own grave before turning back into his slumping self at the table. Fatso turned over his Queen and put his head on his arm, weeping. Kelli smirked and proudly turned over her Ace.   
  
"You were saying?" she looked at Stretch, who stared at the winning card, turned even whiter with shock, then red with rage before puffing up to twice his size.   
  
"ARGGGGGGHHH!!!!" he screamed loud enough to shake the whole house. To add insult to injury, the Jack on the Wild Card came to life as a miniture Get Lost Luke, dancing around and singing, "Loser! Loser! Oh, what a dooser!" before whacking Stretch on the head with his septer. He winked at Kelli, who just had time to catch the movement, before he disappeared. Kelli formed a fan with her cards and fluttered them over the steaming Stretch.   
  
"Cool off, Loverboy. It's just a game."  
  
Stretch, who had now returned to his normal self, albeit still seething, said in a voice barely above a growl, "I call for another round."  
  
"Fine with us." said Stinkie and Fatso in unison. Kelli shrugged.   
  
This time it was Stinkie who had the lowest door card, and he raised the bet by ten dollars. They were interrupted by Kat storming down the stairs to yell at them for waking her up.   
  
"You guys keep it down! The whole town must be awake by now!" Then she saw Kelli in her astral form and her eyes went wide. Before she could give her away, Kelli put a finger to her lips and said, "sssssssshhhhhh! I'm a ghost!" in a whisper, nodding to emphasize her point. Kat just stared, frozen in shock, but she recovered enough to say,   
  
"O...Okay. Uh, I'm going back upstairs now." She glared at the Trio, especially Stretch, before running off, casting a last suprized glance back at Kelli before she was out of range.   
  
"Nighty night! Don't let the ghostbugs bite!" teased Stretch, laughing at Kat.   
  
"Oh, ba-dum-bum. That was so funny I forgot to laugh." Kelli proffered, rolling her eyes as she passed her next play to him. She didn't have anything good to offer, and she was getting nervous. She hoped her constant talking was distracting them from knowing that. By this time, they were at the Showdown stage once more, and Stretch pulled the highest card, not an Ace, but a King that outranked all the others.   
  
"WOO-HOO! Looks like a night on the town for US, Toots!" he waggled his eyebrows at Kelli, who was sitting slumped with her head in her hands. This was bad. This was very, very bad. 


End file.
